Home » Other » Translating Corporatespeak and Old Economy Steve

Translating Corporatespeak and Old Economy Steve

A rather amusing “translation dictionary” of direct phrases to the usual bland indirectness of modern management corporatespeak is a nice accompaniment to Old Economy Steve. 😛

Explanation: The world has more bullshit going around today in a lot of spheres than it did a generation ago. “Your call is important to us” being a classic example, as is “this call is being recorded to ensure accuracy and quality”.

Translated: “We’re just fobbing you off with a meaningless catchphrase”, and “we don’t trust you, and we think you’ll lie like a rug if you can get away with it so we’re taping your call.”

I would actually be kind of happy if the voicemail maze system said something like, “your call will be recorded; be aware that we can and will use it against you in the event of any civil or criminal proceedings.”

And in terms of the job market – well, the B.Sc is the new high school diploma only you have to pay up front for that part, or get your parents to put the house in hock so you can walk out without a debt and run like a hamster in a Kafka maze of spinning wheels to get a job.

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3 thoughts on “Translating Corporatespeak and Old Economy Steve

  1. As a call center minion in the health insurance field, I’ll just say – it’s not so much assuming the caller will *lie* as assuming the caller may *misremember*. If someone signs up for health insurance coverage with me, and later encounters an aspect of the plan they don’t like and hadn’t realized was there, they may be complaining weeks or months after their conversation with me, and both our memories of what was said will be fuzzy at best. Much better to have a recording than rely on memory.

    Also, at least at my workplace, they really do listen to random calls to ensure accuracy – we get multiple reviews with the Quality department per month, because giving out wrong information on health insurance plans to potential buyers is doubleplus ungood and can lead to legal judgments against the company.

    I do agree that there’s too much corporatespeak, though – I believe I’ve complained on Slactivist before that “What prompted your call” is a terribad alternative to “How may I help you”, for example, but unfortunately the bosses are convinced that plain English sounds “unprofessional” and should be replaced with corporatespeak and industry jargon whenever possible.

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