[ NOTE: Image-heavy post ]
We left off with Adam Riley meeting Dr. Exposition, I mean, Dr. Wilkins. Now that we have learned some of the reasons behind the seemingly bizarre things in this movie, the rest is all straightforward. We hope.
Anyway, he heads back to the FBI office and gets told by Baker they need to head back out to chase down Jacob Krause. Now I have no idea what or how Baker got this info but they show up at what looks like the abandoned barn where Krause’s group was staying. HowEVER, the evil nasty global army got there first!
They’re busy arresting people and taking stuff away. We end up meeting the overseer of this operation, Lt. Fredericks. He’s the Big Bad, as it turns out! (and it’s not much of a spoiler to say he comes back for the sequel)
He says Krause wasn’t there when the Evil Global Army showed up. After some jurisdiction friction Fredericks pretty much tells them to sod off, ’cause it’s Evil Global Army’s playground now. Then, on their way back to their vehicle DUN DUN DUN they see Catherine Harris being led away, conveniently all by herself, to a truck!
Riley impulsively decides to rescue her (as opposed to calling his boss and getting some kind of official authorization for the FBI to detain her instead of Evil Global Army; they DO have cell phones in this movie, so it’s possible for a flurry of rapid-fire phone calls to ensue). Baker reluctantly fakes a problem with his car to draw off the (conveniently) lone soldier guarding the truck, while Riley sneaks into the back to get Catherine out of there.
Oh, how convenient. Riley magically has the right handcuff key. This movie really should’ve been vetted for plot plausibility, but that’s what happens with low-budget films. They skimp on things like this. Anyway, Riley gets her out just as the cute soldier is done fixing the “problem” Baker manufactured, which was to deliberately loosen a fuse.
And while this was happening, somehow he didn’t notice Riley sneaking Catherine into the car at ALL and just happily waves at the two FBI agents now hightailing it out of there like their asses were on fire. Sure enough he gets suspicious, checks the truck, and kicks over the hornet’s nest to git those varmints.
WHY NO DAPPER MADAM WE TOTALLY WILL NOT…. uh, yes, we will, thanks to
Joe Hardy Adam Riley, who is the impetuous blond of the Hardy Boys pair of FBI agents*.
Meanwhile, Lt. Fredericks comes out of the barn doing his Evil McEvil Global Army mook thing. He decides not to bother going after the agents. “We’ll deal with them later.” OMINOUS FORESHADOWING IS OMINOUS.
And then just to REALLY show that the Evil Global Army is evil, he orders that the barn be burned down once all the people have been taken away and their stuff confiscated.
Scene cut. We’re in a cafe with the agents and Catherine. Now you’d think, having just harbored a fugitive, the agents would be barricading themselves inside the FBI HQ and getting everybody in the HQ to suit up and raid the weapons locker, but this is Rapture-themed fiction and of course we need to set up implausible courses of action to prove the ~power of faith~, etc.
“So, Catherine, what were you doing with those people?”
“I am one of those people! I’m a follower of Jesus Christ!”
Segue into the usual Conversion Story trope – “I thought I was in control of my life, but nopity-nope, it’s all God’s show”, upon which Baker asks why it is the Evil Global Army busted them all. Her answer? “Things don’t always work out the way we want them to, but God is STILL in control.”
I almost feel like there should be a Chuck Norris joke in there somewhere.
She recites Romans 8:28 and explains she found joy and peace and a sense of purpose. “The time is short”, she says. Agent Baker remains still unimpressed.
And then BOOM HELLO EVIL GLOBAL ARMY GUYS. They roar up in Humvees and Jeeps and Evil McEvilBoss (Fredericks) comes strolling on in after a bunch of mooks surround the agents.
And then Catherine gives herself up! She tells Adam, “he is waiting for you”, and then she goes out singing a song, probably a hymnal.
This is what I mean by such artificially constructed situations that such movies strain plausibility. The whole thing was clearly set up to give Adam the ~secret code~ and then show her ~strong in the faith~ as a martyr for the cause, etc etc etc.
Then OMINOUS LIEUTENANT IS OMINOUS WITH OMINOUS THREATS. After that, he leaves.
Scene cut. The agents are driving home, and it’s suddenly dark out. They’re coming up to a checkpoint, which apparently is another one of those randomly evil things the moviemakers figured they’d just toss in to make sure we know about the Evil Global Government being… well, evil.
Never mind that the Department of Homeland Security now runs internal checkpoints within the borders of the USA. Don’t need a one world government to erode them constitutional rights, guys.
The guard at the checkpoint waves his scanner thingy over Baker’s “B” chip in his hand and then Riley flashes his FBI ID. Riley gets a SECOND WARNING. From the suceeding dialog, if he gets the dreaded THIRD WARNING they grab him, strap his ass to a chair and BZIP the “B” chip into his hand. Because of course the Evil Global Government is evil, and totally can’t figure out how to bamboozle people into getting “B” chips without needing to force them into it.
C’mon, advertising’s a multibillion dollar industry in the USA. If anyone can figure out how to get people to have “B” chips, it’d be the Mad Men.
Riley then begins wondering out loud how the Evil Global Army found them. At this point the scene is all but shouting the answer: That “B” chip can be satellite tracked, but Baker chooses to play the dumb and doesn’t work it out for himself. The agents decide to take one more crack at the shelter Krause used to run.
Anyway, they FINALLY grab the MacGuffin of the photograph off the wall, and boom, Riley recognizes the area! (“My dad and I used to go camping on this mountaintop when I was a kid.”) Agent Baker is skeptical and unimpressed.
They also see writing on the back of the photo! “Seek and you shall find!”
Well then, that clears it all up, doesn’t it?
So off they trundle to said mountain. And sure as shit, Jacob Krause is there, in the flesh.
He sees the agents and chats all guru-like. I was starting to wonder if he wasn’t being a few cards short of a full deck with the way he was going on about the beauty of nature and the fruit trees and all the rest, especially when Adam asks directly if he’s one of the 144,000. Jacob answers indirectly, “God needed people to speak hope and life to the world, especially now. That’s what I’m doing. I’m pointing the way to Jesus Christ.”
Baker remains unimpressed. He announces he’s there to execute the warrant for Krause’s arrest. Krause goes willingly, but not before his Armor Piercing Statement: “To live is Christ, to die is to gain. There are worse things than dying.”
Inside the car we get the DUN DUN DUN about the “B” chip! Krause says he tells his followers not to get the chip and that makes him an OMG HUGE THREAT.
(Paraphrased and rearranged for comedic effect)
Krause: That “B” chip is evil.
Baker: It’s just my credit card replacement.
Krause: Are you sure about that?
Krause: Are you really sure about that?
Krause: Not even a teensy hint of doubt in your mind at aaaalllll?
Baker: YES GODDAMNIT SHUT UP.
Krause: I know what it REALLY is!
Jacob Krause: Biological Encoding And Satellite Tracking, or, as the Global Council of Nations refers to it, the BEAST chip.
DOHOHOHOHOHO WELL WHAT ABOUT THAT HUH? HUH???????
Krause proceeds to reiterate the faith-not-works doctrine of how to get into God’s grace, which is Team Rapture’s stock answer for why those who are Christians and didn’t get beamed to heaven are left behind on Earth. More dialog, paraphrased:
Krause: The wages of sin is death, but Jesus fixed that for us. So now we can be sinless and in God’s presence as a result. Really! It’s easy. Just one quick prayer, honest! (^_^)
Baker: SHADDDAAAAAAAP. (>_<)
Krause: Well, it’s purely a personal decision, Charles. \(^_^)b
They pull into a gas station, and Riley jibber-jabbers with Krause some more. We discover that for some reason Riley is REAL IMPORTANT. Important enough that the Messianic Jew who’s supposed to be spreading Christ’s word far and wide as one of the 144,000, instead gets busted and potentially thrown in jail or worse, executed.
Riley asks, “Then why did you let yourself get caught?” and Jacob answers, “To talk to you. God wanted me to talk to you.”
Cue a couple more lines (including Rev. 21:4), and then like, the FASTEST EVER SINNER’S PRAYER: “God, I know you’re real. Please forgive me. Come into my life, Jesus. God, lead me.”
And then Riley decides NOW IS THE TIME! He stashes Krause in the trunk, and takes off with a full tank of gas and a very annoyed Agent Baker at the store. Baker calls Riley on his cell, and the two of them have a “WHY?????” “I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO” stock conversation while Riley’s taking off at top speed to get Krause… somewhere.
DUN DUN DUN A CHECKPOINT OH CRAP. Riley’s third warniiiiiiiing is coming up!
Only wait a sec, Deus Ex Machina! The two military guys doing the checkpoint can’t verify Riley’s ID because their laptop’s satellite Internet is mysteriously down! HA HA. They wave him through.
Too late, Baker shows up! Oopsieshit they just let through a rogue FBI agent!
Scene cut. We see a super duper big military checkpoint full of guys with automatic weapons and the Big Bad (Lt. Frederick). Riley pulls up to a stop and lets himself get arrested. Will they get Krause too?
HA LOL NOPE GUYS. TRUNK’S EMPTY!
Baker catches up and has a sad. “Was it all worth it? Losing everything?”
Riley is all like “Yup.”
After that, we see Krause is plodding back up the mountaintop, and a voiceover recites:
In the words of Apostle Paul, “Fight the good fight, finish the course and keep the faith. Stand firm and be true to our Lord, who suffered wrath and died for our sins, so that we may have eternal life with him.”
A few final scenes – Baker having a sad over his two BBs gone from his life, Krause talking to his followers, and Riley stuck in prison getting a secrety-secret Bible verse tucked inside his bread.
Next time, The Sequel!
* Back in the 1950s and 1960s, there was a fairly widespread interest in detective/secret agent thriller fiction for teenagers; my dad got me interested back in the early 1980s. Frank Hardy was always the studious brown-haired older brother and Joe Hardy was always the slightly more impetuous (hot-headed, if you will) blond-haired younger brother.